So after more research, I have concluded that a yellow jumper badge is not enough. I thought that I wanted to reduce social pressure, thereby dissolving the need to maintain appropriate status, but actually, there is more to it than that. I have pinpointed what I am looking for, or rather what effect I am trying to induce. What I am looking for is how to trigger the release of endorphins.

I have only just put a name to the sensation that I get when I meet cool people, and learn cool stuff; when I am being inspired, or challenged - the sensation is a potent delivery of endorphins - I am endorphined so to speak - hence why meetforeal.com and crowdscanner.com have been so important to me. They lift me up so high that I am walking on air and I feel super confident and relaxed and happy in the world.

What I didn't know about endorphins is that if a group of people are all experiencing a release of endorphins, then they are more likely to connect, and bond more deeply. Now it makes sense that one of the side effects of my endorphin rush is that I have no problem striking conversations with people everywhere. Everyone is my friend.

In this video, Robin Dunbar, whom I somehow assumed was dead, sorry Robin, talks about his latest book, "How many friends does one person need?", and he discusses this phenomenon with endorphins: how we are better able to connect and bond with one another when endorphins are present.

Laughing, he says, is a super way to release endorphins. You may have noticed yourself after a comedy night, initiating conversations with the people all around you without caring that they are strangers. According to his research, it can even make you much more generous to those you have never met before.

So back on topic, yes, alcohol releases endorphins, so in fact, when a group of people are drinking together, they are "bonding" in the same way that people over the course of history have bonded through rituals which trigger the release of endorphins, such as religious ceremonies, dancing, singing etc. And it's that bonding that I feel excluded from, so it is that release of endorphins that I am trying to replicate.

So it turns out that "drinking only low amounts of alcohol will increase endorphin release and produce pleasant effects," (C. Gianoulakis 2009). From extensive experience under the effects of alcohol, I would say that she has neglected to mention the later release of endorphins due to the wild and out of character behaviour that alcohol leads you to indulge in once the anxiety about your status as been reduced. It empowers you to start conversations with strangers, talk about topics that you would normally be too scared to bring up, dance with freedom, hug everyone (thanks Loes), kiss who you fancy, steal drinks and signs and even roosters (yes indeed), which all trigger the release of endorphins.

Sometimes, you have had such an endorphin filled night that the effects spill over into the next day, before you are abruptly dropped from cloud nine as they slither out of your brain and the hangover slides in.

So, in a quest to feel as good as my drunken friends without the drink, it turns out I am seeking that initial release of endorphins, which would then enable me to participate in behavior that releases still more. This would make my bonding experiences with those who I am hanging out with more profound, and make me more able to relax and have fun, at least until the endorphins die out.

So it turns out, my mechanisms described in the last post, were not so off focus.

I have options. I can eat chocolate, go for a run, be dropped from a climbing wall, go to a comedy show, or listen to an inspiring talk, and it turns out that would probably be sufficient to have that initial boost of feel good factor.

Crazily enough, it occurs to me that we have already invented technology that triggers the release of endorphins, and it consists of following the curve of CrowdScanner until the endorphins explode. It turns out that challenging yourself to talk to strangers, in a scenario that requires you to pop out of your comfort zone, triggers the release of endorphins 100%.



If the question makes the person laugh, then even better, because by releasing endorphins in your stranger's brains, they are number one, less likely to steal your phone because you guys are bonding :) and number two, you are forced, chemically, and subconsciously, to connect with eachother.

So I will take that into consideration in my next question of the week: humour!

I am on a quest to find an equivalent to drinking, that will enable me to have all the rights and privileges of a lubricated person, without the health implications and brain numbing forgetfulness that drunkenness implies.

My first idea was to create a yellow jumper badge, pictured. When wearing the badge, you have the same rights as a drunken person. I call it the yellow jumper effect.



Here's a list of some of the drunken person's rights that wearing the yellow jumper badge entitles you to. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments :)

• Dance crazy, including on tables or very close to people you don't know
• Drop your drink in the middle of the dance floor, and forget about it with a shrug of the shoulders
• Take multiple photos of the same groups of people
• Compete wildly
• Approach and talk to whomever you choose
• Tell your private feelings and emotions to people you know, and those you have just met
• Flirt outrageously with people
• Pee in public

My research has uncovered the following alternative routes to the same effect, to mimic the effect of alcohol without the alcohol itself.

Wear a mask or paint your face:

At a murder mystery game recently, it was the mere addition of a cuban cigar and a painted on mustache that mimicked being tipsy. The simplest of props can make you feel like a different person, and pull you out of your view of yourself, which works wonders at reducing inhibitions. Acting class starts next week so I'll have more personal experience of this one shortly.

Indulge in extreme sports:

Installing a climbing wall at your local pub may seem far fetched, but I have it on expert opinion that they are safe and easy to install, and the high you get from being dropped from the top of one of them is apparently enough to keep you floating on high for the evening. Racing cars in pubs in the UK is probably another avenue for the same adrenaline fused sensation.

Play a game:

Something as simple as stickers, given to us at a hen party with the instructions to distribute them to the men in the pub was enough to give a load of soberish girls the excuse to behave in ways that would have otherwise been out of character.

Likewise, playing CrowdScanner at the Irish Blog Awards on Saturday, asking people what they would do if the word was about to end in one hour, telling myself and others that I was collecting opinions for the question of the week, was a strong enough incentive to overcome any inhibitions about what people would think.

I'm on the hunt. I refuse to separate myself from the drinking population and simply have fun in other ways. There has to be a halfway point, where I can go some way towards letting loose and being silly, and they can drink a little less and still have as much fun as before. If it only takes a yellow jumper badge or a silly mustache, then it's worth it.

Yellow jumper badge anyone? Get yours here...

Somewhere along the line, I made a wee assumption that people care about the who (the writer, musician, designer, coder, director etc) behind the what (the blog, the song, the clothes, the website, the film), but that's complete nonsense.

Except in small facets of my life where I am following certain blogs, or interested in a particular designer or director, the rest of the time I am completely oblivious that there is even a who behind what I consume. There is so much crap trying to beat its way into the databanks of my brain on a daily basis that I'm lucky if I remember my own name, let alone the names of all of the people involved in sitting down and creating the world that I find myself surrounded by.

I used to be all frustrated, that the who - me - wasn't being noticed in my blogging, never mind the what. Being shortlisted in the not so short list for the Irish Blog awards was exciting, thinking about the possibility of being finally recognised as the who behind this blog. But I wasn't.

Last night we went to a music gig with Bill Coleman. Watching him set up, in front of an intimate audience of a mere 25 heads, I imagined he was disappointed. After running events, the pain of not having the desired 1000+ people show up is imprinted in my soul.



But he didn't play like a disappointed man. From the first note until the last refrain, he gave it his all, 120% energy, and passion and enthusiasm. He was having so much fun up there, it didn't seem to matter if we were 1 or 1000 in the audience.

It finally sank in that it's not about the who. It's not about Ellen Dudley being recognised for her blog, or about Bill Coleman being recognised for his great music, (although I'm sure he will be rich and famous soon enough). It's all about the what.

So many bloggers will say please your audience, and this concept has lain in my brain undergoing a foreign body reaction akin to that experienced by a synthetic implant over the last year.

Something about Bill's performance inspired me to have the strength to say I don't need to accept that idea. My ego may want recognition - I always wanted to be remembered - but I am choosing not to listen to it anymore. I realise now that it's not a path that gives any lasting satisfaction. You just want more and more. And you are willing to compromise more and more to maintain it.

The trick is to find the what that you love to do, even when there is no one watching. Not because of what you can win or how much money you can make, or how famous you can be. Struggling on little earnings, listening to people judge your performance based on how many were watching, feeling like no progress is being made, feeling like no one cares... because very few do... is only survived because of that high you get from creating your what - whether it's performing on stage or finishing a song. You love it. You love the process. You love the process enough to deal with your brain yelling its dissatisfaction with not being noticed. You love creating your what, whatever your what may be.

Forget about people noticing your who, and focus on finding and creating your what.

After a recent Ryanair encounter, I vowed never to let myself become a robot.

Flying is exhausting. All that preparation and planning and packing and waking up early. All those arguments over that fact that Ellen has to remember everything, and if something is forgotten, it's all Ellen's fault. All those queues for the sake of queuing and restrictions for the sake of restrictions.

It was 5 minutes from the boarding gate closing, and we found ourselves arguing with the airline staff - Adrian for his unstamped boarding card, and me for an oversized bag. It was not a good moment. We were both "breaking the rules". The staff were steely faced robots, refusing to let Adrian bargain them down... the answer was no - he was supposed to get his passport checked at check in and his boarding card stamped - even though he had booked online.

So we left the boarding gate, me in tears, him in anger, as though Mr Ryanair himself had stuck a fat pointy needle in our perfectly formed pink balloon. It felt like we had quit a race midway and were walking down the long corridor past all the other runners who were thinking, "You're going the wrong way".

I was so frustrated. Why did I assume that "online check in" meant "online check in"? Why did I not re-read the small print underneath the large letters of "Passport Check" on the boarding card? Why did I assume that the security guy would check it? "They don't work for Ryanair," apparently. Well how was I supposed to know that?

We were not the only fuck ups. On our way, we met 3 other people who had tripped into the same trap. Who in the hell designs an online check in system where you still have to come and literally, check in your passport?

I see NO POINT in this. If you can't implement a system that works, don't bother.

Systems teach us to play by the rules

It's the way many things work in life. It's how we are taught to conform. They punish us when we don't, a financially painful smack across the bum that brings us to tears, a memory so cattle branded into our subconscious that we won't make the same mistake again in a hurry.

Everyone benefits but the bold child who thinks it's the most unfair thing in the world... but at least they don't make the same mistake again. Or do they?

By charging people a high fine for failing to read the small print, Ryanair make money, while simultaneously teaching people not to do it again. A win-win situation.

From clamping, to fines, to dvd late rental fees, there's an industry in charging for fuck ups, that simultaneously teaches people not to do it again.

What's fascinating is that these strategies don't streamline systems, because never will 100% of people conform. People still park illegally, or forget to change their ticket; people still return their dvds late, and neglect to get their passports checked. Some would say they shouldn't be surprised - the yellow line means don't park here or the time is up on your parking ticket; the dvd rental late fee is obvious, and the small print exists - so people are choosing to fuck up and there's money to be made.

Is this fair?

Getting fined 40 euros for parking illegally is painful enough, but getting clamped late at night without any cash on you is another. Getting fined for a passport issue is tough, but missing the flight is something much more emotionally damaging.

Adrian knew he had to get his passport checked, but with so many other things to pay attention to - the liquids, the laptops, the bags, the time, the queues, all the people, his feather brain ;) etc... he forgot. Which has happened too many a time with parking fines may I add... luckily we don't rent dvds :)

So if your attention is elsewhere, you get a swift lash of a whip to wake you up? I don't agree. We are not robots. Where are the solutions that teach us and support us? Where are the designs that enable us to make mistakes and be supported through them?

We are becoming robots

Not only are trained to act as robots, to line up like little soldiers following orders, as though we have no brains to think, but we are trained to work as robots.



We have lost all sense of compassion. What's more upsetting is that we seem to have no choice. If you get weepy eyed every time a person is begging you to let them run back and get their passport checked, and decide to let them on the flight regardless, you could be out of a job, or worse, much worse, your plane could be blown up.

If you have people, like us, angry and upset, giving out to you all day, claiming how it's so unfair and Ryanair is stupid - you, a person paid pittance, sitting behind a desk, with little or no control over systems or fines, would be a robotic bitch too.

We have to build up these huge walls to protect our soft marshmallow insides from the meanness of the world. Very few of us are trained to be assertive and compassionate enough to remain calm and composed while someone screams at you, "you are a stupid, ugly bitch" (no, that wasn't me, but I overheard someone scream it at Ryanair staff once).

While sitting in the airport lounge, discussing the dehumanised nature of our society, we received a blog post from Seth Godin, my guru these days - who said:

I want to live in a world where the system is not so badly designed that it brings me to tears because I wasn't paying attention. I want to live in a world where I don't get so angry that I accost a poor member of staff who acts like they have no soul in defence. I want to live in a world where I can be myself, make mistakes, and be forgiven for being human. I want to be trained to be a human, not a robot.