Currently I am in the process of the reading "The Art of Conversation" by Catherine Blyth. It is a very interesting book. But really hard to follow. Her way of portraying ideas is not very precise, and she has a tendency to ramble. She states why modern life is bad for conversation - "Compared face to face, Internet communication is two dimensional. Yet the emphasis on appearances is growing, redefining how we relate, and with it, ideas of what constitutes a relationship. Many young people happily swallow the notion that textual exchange is interaction".
Some guidelines:
What Conversation Isn't:
- Performance art
- Competition
- Scripted
What Conversation Is:
- Mutual appreciation
- Co-operation
- Spontaneous
Three Principles:
- Generosity
- Clarity
- Openness
Five Maxims:
- Think before you speak
- Listen more than you speak
- Find incentive for talking
- Never assume you know what the other person means or that they will understand you
- Take turns
Some Rules:
Pay attention and you already have a connection
Small talk is a social compass
Tickle boundaries
Great conversationalists listen more than they talk
Signal attention to show you are happy to listen
Be a connoisseur of pauses
Good topics create talk
Topics must be relevant and accessible
Flowing topics smooth social dynamics
She has some fundamental pointers we have to keep in mind all the time. Just think about it: People love to talk about themselves! The most challenging part of any conversation is keeping the topics flowing. To fully flow into the conversation it is necessary to have a relevant personal story related with those topics. People love stories. especially if they are spiced up with some good humour.
We have all been in the situation when a conversation stalls. We often think its our fault. But as a matter a fact, the other person is also stalled on what to say. I believe it's good to have moments of silence, but conversation has to be flowing in order to maintain a good energy level. This is something we can sense at the onset of every single human interaction. Be a shining light full of stories and topics of conversation!