Somewhere along the line, I made a wee assumption that people care about the who (the writer, musician, designer, coder, director etc) behind the what (the blog, the song, the clothes, the website, the film), but that's complete nonsense.

Except in small facets of my life where I am following certain blogs, or interested in a particular designer or director, the rest of the time I am completely oblivious that there is even a who behind what I consume. There is so much crap trying to beat its way into the databanks of my brain on a daily basis that I'm lucky if I remember my own name, let alone the names of all of the people involved in sitting down and creating the world that I find myself surrounded by.

I used to be all frustrated, that the who - me - wasn't being noticed in my blogging, never mind the what. Being shortlisted in the not so short list for the Irish Blog awards was exciting, thinking about the possibility of being finally recognised as the who behind this blog. But I wasn't.

Last night we went to a music gig with Bill Coleman. Watching him set up, in front of an intimate audience of a mere 25 heads, I imagined he was disappointed. After running events, the pain of not having the desired 1000+ people show up is imprinted in my soul.



But he didn't play like a disappointed man. From the first note until the last refrain, he gave it his all, 120% energy, and passion and enthusiasm. He was having so much fun up there, it didn't seem to matter if we were 1 or 1000 in the audience.

It finally sank in that it's not about the who. It's not about Ellen Dudley being recognised for her blog, or about Bill Coleman being recognised for his great music, (although I'm sure he will be rich and famous soon enough). It's all about the what.

So many bloggers will say please your audience, and this concept has lain in my brain undergoing a foreign body reaction akin to that experienced by a synthetic implant over the last year.

Something about Bill's performance inspired me to have the strength to say I don't need to accept that idea. My ego may want recognition - I always wanted to be remembered - but I am choosing not to listen to it anymore. I realise now that it's not a path that gives any lasting satisfaction. You just want more and more. And you are willing to compromise more and more to maintain it.

The trick is to find the what that you love to do, even when there is no one watching. Not because of what you can win or how much money you can make, or how famous you can be. Struggling on little earnings, listening to people judge your performance based on how many were watching, feeling like no progress is being made, feeling like no one cares... because very few do... is only survived because of that high you get from creating your what - whether it's performing on stage or finishing a song. You love it. You love the process. You love the process enough to deal with your brain yelling its dissatisfaction with not being noticed. You love creating your what, whatever your what may be.

Forget about people noticing your who, and focus on finding and creating your what.