I always hate when people talk about failure and success after the fact - as though in their quest for a good reputation, they avoid showing weakness. But I realise now that there might be another reason not to blog about it until after it has happened, for the simple fact that you may not be able to recognise when you are in the midst of failure.

Sometimes it is such a constant state that it doesn't seem so remarkable to talk about.

Failure can be more than just the day that bankruptcy is announced, or the day that no one turns up at an event. It can encompass weeks and months and years, a whole stage of life, a complete blanket that you may not even realise is covering you as you lie there, on the damp, pee encrusted sheets, wallowing in your own excrement, thinking that this is how everyone lives, that this is "normal".

The blanket has been partially lifted in my own life from what seemed like a permanent state of failure, at least according to industry standards, so I wanted to share it with you:

Oh how the tables have turned. From the rich kid in university who used to buy clothes in Brown Thomas and get her hair highlighted in high priced salons, to the adult whose poverty is the deciding factor in any group dinner decision. I am now in the Rachel, Joey and Phoebe group from Friends who can't afford to go anywhere.

It's even worse than being the non-dairy-non-meat-non-alcohol-device of previous years; now it's not only about where I can eat, but it's about how much it costs.

As my friends fly high above me with their permanent jobs and stable pension plans, I'm not surprised they are confused by my behaviour over the last few years. I don't blame them for wanting to see me wearing clothes other than those I purchased in my last few months of being a financially fluid student. I cry inwardly when I pull on the jacket that reminds me of arriving into Fortran classes with Friday morning hangovers and the classic Limerick O'Neills tracksuit pants that are so worn and ripped that the safety pin doesn't hold them in place as they flap awkwardly against my ragged runners.

Putting obvious financial differences to one side, the more painful aspect of the entrepreneurial route that we have taken of late has seemed to lead us down a road that is more and more distant from the realms of the reality that others can grasp into an isolation that mirrors our living arrangements, locked inside with our technology in a cold house with four bare walls.

Meetforeal was difficult enough to explain, it even took us a good 6 months to get our heads around what we were trying to do, never mind try and explain it to someone who had never been to an event. So the development of an iphone application that was designed to get people to "have an excuse to talk to new people, and have more meaningful conversations" was an even more abstract goal.

Being greeted by continued blank looks and confused heads can literally suck the living enthusiasm out of you, until it feels like you are spending all of your energy just trying to replenish the barrels deep within. It's not easy to keep walking away from the silent judgements and closeted opinions of the people who are closest to you, in a direction that brings you further and further away from them, and closer to your imagined goal, which could turn out to be a mirage.

They want you to be happy, as they are happy. They would also like to know whether they need to inform the authorities that you are off your trolley. So they hunt you with those euro sign encrusted eyeballs willing you to surrender, to give in, to give up, to get a real job, but you won't, you can't.

When will you make money?

How will you make money?

Who has made money doing this before?

How many can you sell?

How many have you sold?

You are reduced to a quivering mess lying in front of an unforgiving jury of your peers and all the passion you throw at them doesn't satisfy their money hungry eyes.

But I woke up this morning with a sense of happiness and freedom that I don't remember feeling for quite some time, and I thought I was a happy device. Find out why here.

The blanket of failure has been lifted along with my spirits. All the months of isolation and misunderstanding are finally worth it. It no longer matters if we sell one or one million, it just feels incredible to be finally UNDERSTOOD, to ship something that people can finally see and touch and appreciate. And have fun with. I could cry I am so proud. I didn't realise how refreshing this would be. How much I needed people to understand. It's such a relief, truly.

I am flying high along with them on the fuel of success that money can't buy, and I will keep flying until the fuel runs out and I crash into the mound of debt that is awaiting me at the end of this particular flight path.